Realizing, regretfully, that I have not satisfactorily upheld my promise to give everyone a peek into my new life at college, I have decided to document for you the last three or so days of my life. Well, it will only be the interesting bits. Parental advisory: disagreeable content follows; may contain alcohol, mathematics, sex, and/or environmental activism. Times are approximated estimates.
Saturday, 11:00—I wake up, struggle out of bed, and shower in the small and sometimes scary yellow-tiled bathroom shared with the 7 other guys on my floor. To my knowledge, none of them have STIs or other easily transmissible diseases, though this may change tonight. Nonetheless, I wear shower sandals. After showering and dressing, I read my email and news feeds.
13:00—I eat three medium sized pancakes with peanut butter, less syrup than normal, and a helping of scrambled eggs. If I had taste buds, I’m sure it would be unpleasant. Bartlett, the dining hall, is crowded with a few lunchers and many breakfasters. After my meal, I head to the Regenstein library (a.k.a. “the Reg”) to do some reading for my humanities class, Greek Thought and Literature. We are discussing the first six books of the Iliad on Monday.
15:00—I return to my room and do some calculus homework.
17:00—I go to Section II to hang out with some friends. After about half an hour, I am struck by genius. I go back to room and grab my laptop, then return. I spend the rest of the evening splitting my attention between socializing and crafting a word search containing the names of all the officials elected in Thursday’s Hitchcock House governmental elections. We also go to dinner at Bartlett at some point.
23:00—I and my friends head up to the BRO party (Beta Rho Omicron, Snell-Hitchcock’s mock-fraternity). It’s their first party of the year. Unlike the real fraternities which own their own houses, BRO can’t throw parties before the residence halls open. The other fraternities held, in sum, at least one party every night of orientation week. To wit, BRO’s objective with their first party is, “to get a bunch of first years drunk and convince them to stay in the dorms.” They are competing with AEΠ’s 80s Dance Party at the same time tonight, but only ask for donations rather than AEΠ’s $5 entrance fee.
Sunday, sometime between 24:00 and 1:00—I am about to go grab my first beer when I find out they are all out; only vodka and coconut rum remain. As I pause to reflect, I notice a Rubik’s cube on the bookshelf above the booze. I pick it up and resolve to figure it out. (I have never solved a Rubik’s cube.) Soon, Jay-Z notices the cube, with which he is proficient, and asks to have a go at it. I scramble it for him, and he solves it in about 80 seconds—not bad for being drunk and in bad lighting. He asks if I want to learn how to do it, to which I respond with a hearty affirmative.
2:30—I realize I’ve spent most of the party learning how to solve a Rubik’s cube. At one point, an upper-year had noted, in reference to Jay-Z and I in the main hallway with a Rubik’s cube, that this was exactly how he thought parties at Snell-Hitchcock should be. I decide to call it quits and get some sleep.
11:00—For hilariously nefarious reasons involving neither myself nor my roommate, I wake up on the carpet in a room on the female floor in Section II.
12:00—After showering, brushing my teeth, deciding not to shave, dressing, and catching up with the internet, I head back to Bartlett for much the same meal as yesterday’s breakfast.
14:00—I send the finished house elections word search (producing some acclaim throughout the following days) to the residents of Hitchcock, in the form of a satirical/parodical 8th grade homework assignment about the history and society of the People’s Republic of Hitchcock, a nation rampant with corruption.
15:00—I head to the Reg to finish my calculus and computer science homework.
18:00—I successfully write my first rigorous mathematical proof, showing the following by induction:
I leave to meet someone at Bartlett after dinner.
19:00—Kai, a fellow member of SJSF and GCI, and I leave for the SJSF President’s apartment, where we will be phone canvassing for Greenpeace (don’t worry, only calling registered Greenpeace members). We invite some 200 Chicagoans to a rally on 10.10.10.
22:00—I go to a study break hosted by the coolest RA ever (tied with the other Hitchcock RA), eat some raisin-walnut-banana bread, and socialize.
24:00—I go to Hitchcock’s public lounge area, the Green Room, to study. In particular, I’m finishing my Iliad reading.
Monday, 2:00—Though my reading was slowed by the appearance of several friends, I finish my reading and go to bed.
8:15 (the only accurate time in this post)—I wake up, get ready for the day, and head to Bartlett.
9:30—I arrive at my computer science class and turn in my homework, the proof mentioned above. I am very proud of it. On Wednesday I will probably get it back with scathing comments and glaring errors circled in red ink. I sit through a 1.3 hour lecture about Haskell’s type system. It makes me giddy. (No sarcasm.)
10:30—I head to the biology building where my calculus class is located and work on the homework, which isn’t due until Friday.
11:30—I head to the class and evidently black out until 12:20 when I leave the class not sure if I learned anything. Some time during the class, I received an email saying that a package had arrived for me, so I head back to the dorm before lunch and find my new Timbuk2 Swig Mavericks backpack waiting for me. It came not in a bag but a plastic bike map of San Francisco, Timbuk2’s headquarters. I transfer my stuff from my overstuffed satchel to my new roomy waterproof backpack and head to lunch.
13:30—I arrive at my Greek Thought and Literature class and try very hard to pay attention for 1.5 hours and leave quite sure that I learned nothing. We have yet to touch on one subject, theme, or idea in either of the two prompts for the essay due next week. And the essay is supposed to be based on the text we aren’t discussing any more.
15:30—I go to the College Networking Services and Information Technology’s Human Resources Department to submit my employment paperwork. On my way back to the dorm, I get an email from my employer saying that she found an office for me and my workmate, whom I have yet to meet. She requests that we both show up at 14:00 tomorrow to discuss projects and get started.
16:30—I go to my computer science lab and do some awesome geometrical reasoning and Haskell coding.
18:30—I finally leave the lab and head to dinner.
19:00—I walk to the Secular Student Association introductory meeting. It is entertaining.
20:00—I walk to the computer science building, which happens to be the home of the Ryerson Astronomical Society, for their introductory meeting. We talk about rectified moon maps, sextants, and telescope lenses, then go to the roof of Ryerson to observe Jupiter. It’s a beautiful night out.
21:00—Back in my room, I spend an hour finishing the computer science lab and submit it. I spend another hour swapping stories and telling crude jokes with my floormates.
23:00—I begin writing this post.
23:59—Without any review or editing, I publish this post.
